desmond

You say a lot of amazing things on a daily basis. Some of them are just straight up funny. Many of them are wise beyond your four years. Some of them are both.

Like yesterday: we were at the Sugar Sand Park playground around twilight. They had to close the playground soon after we got there due to darkness. After I explained the why of this (it was dark; there were no lights on the playground), you declared soberly: “What a shame. What a shame!”

And other times your words seem to come from some place deep in your young and old soul. Last Friday night, our dog Desmond died. He suffered. He was old and probably had a heart attack. Your dad and I were so sad.

We are so sad. He had been a part of our lives for nine years. And no matter how fast his death came, we still will always wonder if we could have done something to save him.

We were honest with you from the start. We didn’t say he was gone. We told you he’s dead. And he’s never coming back.

Each day since that day you’ve asked us about where he is. Tonight, as you were getting ready for bed, I was listening in on the baby monitor as dad put your PJ’s on. Here’s what I heard:

You: “Where’s Des Des?”
Dad: “Where do you think he is?”

You: “He’s dead.”
Dad: “That’s right. How does that make you feel?”
You: “A little sad. But it’s okay. You can always think of him in your heart.”

And that’s exactly right. The pain of those we have loved and lose never leaves us. Not really. The only way to handle that pain is to think of them in our heart.

So you should know: Des loved you. He was very protective of you. He often wanted to share your food, even though you rarely wanted to. He liked to give you kisses on your face. He put up with how you tried to crawl all over him when you were a giggly baby. Whenever I took you on walks with him he always barked at people to keep them away from you – to keep you safe. As if to say: this is my boy, and he is precious to me, so stay back!

And all a dog really wants is to be loved and to do good for his humans. Thank you for giving him the chance to have both because of you. Thank you for reminding us that our hearts hold on to the ones we love most, forever.