four

Yesterday was your fourth birthday. When you become a parent, if you choose to become a parent, you’ll completely grasp Einstein’s relativity of time theory because time passes too quickly and also passes slowly when you are a parent. So yesterday felt like a day that came way too fast, and also made us realize the enormity of time that has passed in terms of your development as a human being.

I’d also tell you that being a parent is more like guessing and hope than anything else. There is nothing that can prepare you for caring for someone else’s life, well-being, and safety. So you try to base everything you do, within reason and your abilities (which change sometimes week to week, sometimes day to day, sometimes year to year), on love, listening, and guiding. And you humbly realize at some point most of what you say is just words passing out into a blah blah blah puff of smoke because experience is a better teacher than words. Honestly, most of what you do as a parent is what’s seen, remembered, and taken in.

What I hope you remember about yesterday is the feeling of how loved you are. How you had fresh-baked brownies for breakfast. How you were so “sick-sited” (excited) about the pile of presents you got that you did a super fast jogging in place dance next to the breakfast table. How you played for hours with a school bus with me and then with dad, and named the bus driver after the one your dad told you he had when he was little (Mrs. Goodrich). I hope you’ll remember that your grandparents called you and sang to you and were both in awe and laughing because of all the wise and sweet and funny things you say. I hope you remember falling asleep with your bus next to you and waking up the next day at 6 am because you were so excited to play again.

I guess that you won’t remember these things because most people don’t remember the details of their fourth birthday. I sure don’t. In the end, I hope that you know that on that day, on every day, we loved you, we listened to you, and we tried our best to guide you in your growth. Your so fast, so fast growth.

And we were, as we always are, in awe of the incredible boy you are. So sweet, kind, funny, creative, curious, strong, loving, resilient, tenacious, and courageous.

I hope four is a beautiful year for you. I hope every year of your life, your long life, is more beautiful than that last. Every year we have with you is more beautiful because you are in it.